Our conversations started to become cryptic clues or instructions that Chris was leaving. I thought that they were discussions up for debate but he was concerned about something. Maybe he knew his time was limited but maybe he knew something was up. I am not sure. It was always the unknown that really ticked me off and he liked to ruffle my feathers.
Chris and I had been married for over 10 years. We had our fair share of differences, our life philosophy was too different but we accepted each other for who we were – we always should have been just friends. That and he always had a thing for his secretaries or waitresses. Chris & I both remarried in 2008. Chris married his secretary from a job in KS. During that time he kept telling me he had no intention of marrying again. He was keeping his vasectomy a secret too as he said she really wanted to get pregnant. He had his kids and that is all he wanted, he asked me to keep this secret as he was coming through to visit the boys. I kept his secret as Chris & I had suffered a loss that was devastating to us both that neither of us wanted more kids or the risk of losing one again.
It was shortly after Cyndi got fired from the plant where he was contracted that he called me for advice as he felt guilty that she did not have a job. I was at a loss but suggested what I could. Then his job became in jeopardy because of the affair and he began looking for another job to go to. Cyndi could not find a job but Chris did – it was shortly before they moved to CA that they were married. He had confided to me he was hoping for her to get a job in KS. Tad my 26 year old was staying with Chris after being laid off (on his way home to us), he confirmed these conversations and more. Cyndi’s typical statement was “you are my ticket out of here”. There were other friends of Chris’ that can confirm. Chris income was beyond the typical he was now making over $200K per year. After my 10 years of supporting him and his escapades it was one thing I regret wishing on him – a wife that would do the same thing he did to me. Now I feel guilty – but we all know wishes do not come true; just I had such a bad thought to someone that I still cared about as a friend and the father of my boys.
But the cryptic clues & instructions started as early as when I wired him money for him to move while in CA. He had been paying rent which included utilities & cable but the landlord (one of Cyndi’s new friends) was being foreclosed on – they had no time. Cyndi was unable to find work and he was far behind on child support to keep up with Cyndi’s expenses. She was now traveling to get custody of her kids back as she did not want to pay child support for her children; in addition she wanted Chris to adopt her kids. But I had loaned him money in the past and he was good for it. His move from KS to CA was one such time. Child Support would continue to be behind since he married Cyndi. Now I was paying for their move from Nipoma CA to San Luis Obispo CA. Yes he paid me back. If I made ½ as much as Chris was making it would be a drop in a bucket but I still managed although my income was not that much. My new husband was not pleased but this is from my own budget and not what we contribute to our combined living expenses.
The call I got from Chris on 12/15 was one day after his birthday (4 days before he died). He knew I was waiting on sending his Birthday gift from the boys but he talked to me for a good 30-45 minutes. Always at work and always asking if I could trace the calls. How weird is that. I thought he was asking if I had caller id. I knew he was calling me at my work from his work I could tell. I could hear conversations near him, so I knew he had “witnesses”. Our conversations to follow on my next entry…..
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Where to Start....
Where do you start? It was just a few weeks ago when I got his last phone call (12/15/09). I cannot believe that my kid’s dad is now dead. I am only glad that Sean our 18 year old was able to be with him when he died. It was very sudden. We remained the best of friends for years after we separated on 01/01/2000 and later divorced 09/27/2002.
We were talking more frequently than ever as he was having marital issues with his wife; they were married just over a year when he passed. What made matters worse was that he promised a job for Sean half way across the country – but it never came through. It was one thing we always disagree on. I wanted the kids to work for what they got and he wanted to hand them things.
Chris Kelly Deckard - born 12/14/1967 passing away on 12/19/2009. But there is so much unknown about his death and we have hit road block after road block.
Chris was diagnosed with cancer in early November 2009; he was just on his third week of treatments when he became ill in the very early hours of 12/18/2009. He was taken by ambulance to The French Hospital in San Luis Obispo CA. Sean had been going to all of the doctor’s appointments with his daddy excluding one. Testing, Treatment, Everything. Chris’ wife was busy elsewhere. On Chris’ last day Sean was alone with his dad most of the day Cyndi was picking up her adopted sister from the airport. Chris was in the ICU a clean room with no access to phone or internet. We could not call or contact him in any way other than through Sean our son.
Chris & Sean were told early morning on the 19th that he should be released on Sunday or Monday (the next day or day after). Things were improving. Things took a turn for the worse after the arrival of Cyndi. Sean was with his dad roughly the 30 minutes before he died. Chris was only allowed one visitor at a time, Sean left so Cyndi could take her turn. Chris died within the next 10 minutes. We were not suspicious at the time. We were stunned and devastated.
To hear Sean’s phone call was the most heartbreaking thing ever. All he could say when he called was Mom the rest was just sobbing while his heart broke.
We were talking more frequently than ever as he was having marital issues with his wife; they were married just over a year when he passed. What made matters worse was that he promised a job for Sean half way across the country – but it never came through. It was one thing we always disagree on. I wanted the kids to work for what they got and he wanted to hand them things.
Chris Kelly Deckard - born 12/14/1967 passing away on 12/19/2009. But there is so much unknown about his death and we have hit road block after road block.
Chris was diagnosed with cancer in early November 2009; he was just on his third week of treatments when he became ill in the very early hours of 12/18/2009. He was taken by ambulance to The French Hospital in San Luis Obispo CA. Sean had been going to all of the doctor’s appointments with his daddy excluding one. Testing, Treatment, Everything. Chris’ wife was busy elsewhere. On Chris’ last day Sean was alone with his dad most of the day Cyndi was picking up her adopted sister from the airport. Chris was in the ICU a clean room with no access to phone or internet. We could not call or contact him in any way other than through Sean our son.
Chris & Sean were told early morning on the 19th that he should be released on Sunday or Monday (the next day or day after). Things were improving. Things took a turn for the worse after the arrival of Cyndi. Sean was with his dad roughly the 30 minutes before he died. Chris was only allowed one visitor at a time, Sean left so Cyndi could take her turn. Chris died within the next 10 minutes. We were not suspicious at the time. We were stunned and devastated.
To hear Sean’s phone call was the most heartbreaking thing ever. All he could say when he called was Mom the rest was just sobbing while his heart broke.
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